Monday, December 05, 2011
Now she buy a heater. Her heater. Oh well I guess I can benefit.. But....
Oh wells.
sakura @ 11:22 PM.
Hi emo world.
Here me, seating by the sea side. Alone. Crying.
Haha. Listening to ichiban no takaramono.
Someoe's by the seaside too. Probably same reason as me?
4th month in hong kong... Yet I dun feel like I'm totally enjoyed myself.
Yea I'm with some friends. Met some friends.
But true friends?
I felt I'm always alone. I may be petty... Thinking too much.... But the only thing I felt at night is loneliness..... I buy things.... I know u all need... I help u all buy.. I share...
But u all got cheap deal.... U all grab.... I have to buy/ get my own deal.
I walk beside... I feel like I'm jus a dog tagging.... It's my birthday this week... But I dun look forward to it.
It's cold by the sea side. But I dun care. Since when who cared.
Boyfriend... He's busy with his own life. He love me yes... I love him too. But... I felt he's a distance away... Not jus the distance.... Bit emotionally too. though ok lah i think the distance played a very big part and a downstream cascade.... When I'm down... Who's there for me. Who's there to understand me?
Daddy... Are u there? I Miss u... How I wish I can talk to the u in heaven...
The temp is cold.. My heart is cold.
sakura @ 10:57 PM.
Saturday, November 05, 2011
so much for being nice. so much for spending money that I THOUGHT u all will like.
i'm sorry, for this naive mind of mine.
sorry for entering ur life. sorry for trying to be nice.
i know i'm at certain fault here, like trying to force smt on u all.
but thanks for the treatment i get. a total rejection.
no more nice lady.
no more.
sakura @ 1:13 AM.
Tuesday, November 01, 2011
hello emo world.
sometimes i jus hate the night. cos it's when things quieten down and i start to think.
of cos the wrong side.
studying overseas is fun. a different exp.. a good gain of knowledge and environment.
but i dun like that fact that i'm feeling detached from everyone else. like.. friends in sg no longer as close as b4... like i'm on my own here. in a far away land. i might be thinking too much, but i realised ppl tend to like jus ignore me.
oh wells. Hello emo world. i'm here. :/
sakura @ 11:48 PM.
Monday, October 17, 2011
while being extreme stress and i saw the date... one month and one day later it's daddy's birthday when he was alive.... so fast. he left us 2 years plus already.....
probably stress or smt but suddenly i missed him alot.
a lot.
daddy y u have to leave us so early.... i haven done anything to let u be proud of yet.. u haven seen me grown up....
i really miss u alot but... what can i do?
why? T.T
sakura @ 12:37 AM.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
been ages since i blogged. cos have been having a happy life with my darling... till now.
well, i'm not saying she carn have a boyfriend or anything. but y him? someone i quite hate but have to now put on a face that he's my best friend ever.... jus for her.
wtf? and i can see she kinda like him quite a bit....
but.... wtf. tht time was saying abt lies from friends and etc.. and she have already misplaced my trust.
why does this happen to me.... from a nice friendship, to a fine relationship... to like HELL. and is affecting the whole circle of friends.
i dun wan to say, but i really blame HIM for everything. if he had handled the whole issue properly, at least i think now we still can be friends. but.... no.. and is even extending my hate for the grp.. and this feeling sucked. :(
and it is still biting on me.
sakura @ 3:51 PM.
Sunday, February 06, 2011
i guess all along, wad i've been doing isnumbing myself, not recovery.. but i'm already hating myself.. feeling so miserable when being alone, or even when "couple", regardless words or people appear in front of me... there will only be a tinge of ache, anger, jealously and hatred surging out of me.
i felt like crying, but no tears will fall.. how long can i stand bottling up all these emotions? i wont know.
sakura @ 12:24 AM.
Tuesday, February 01, 2011
anti-couples at the mo :/ haix.
sakura @ 10:13 AM.
a reminder.
NOT TO STEP IN AND MAKE MYSELF SUFFER.
jus eye candy. full stop. cos nth will work out.
that's wad my sixth sense tells me.
sakura @ 2:44 AM.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
reflection.
loads of things suddenly flooded my mind..
in a way, sometimes i really wan to know what others are thinking.. talk abt having edward cullen's skills.
in a way, i dun really know who really are my friends... or rather, i think i'm afraid to trust ppl.
not once have my trust been betrayed.
it's suffocating, but i jus carn stop these things from clouding my mind..
i noe i'm a paranoid person.. and well, annoyed jeremy today i guess during immuno lab.
perhaps i shld start restraining myself and stop becoming so AA? like recently the posts on fb... well i dun deny that i'm kinda enjoying it... especially one of them is now my eye candy :X but so what?
i'm not exactly the kind of miss popular...
is this abt confidence level? or i'm jus a weirdo to everyone?
tbh i really dunno. or rather i dun really know wad to think.. perhaps it's time for a little reflection like wad i'm doing now.. and start restraining myself...
sakura @ 11:10 PM.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
a new eye candy :X
hmmmm >.< i dunno lahhh :X
sakura @ 2:30 AM.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
tears fell again.
cos was watching autumn concerto.. haha i guess i'm jus someone who easily cry.
y.. when he was the most impt person in my life.. and yet, i was someone to him, whom he can dump when he got sick of it.
yes, i still feel that i was the one being played. cos no answers or wadsoeva was given to me.
i only know, i was left hurt.. think he carn even be bothered if i were to die? haha.
but since i know he carn be bothered, y does my tears still fell for him?
why, do i still have to feel the imaginary immense pain in my chest?
if time is really the best medicine, i hope time will pass by quickly, to let the wound heal asap. or even better, a new love who will heal my wound...
but i guess deep wounds still leave a scar?
the pain, the hatred, yet the love.. all are so contradictory...
"what u are feeling is a paradox.." yea, but i guess this is the love-hate relationship that ppl say?
i shld have known, i shld have knew. "how much do i mean to u" he carn answer. talk abt woman's six sense, i couldn't really see my future with him.. though i hoped to have a future with him... signs have warned me.. yet i was ignorant... and land myself in this mess...
i'm still hurt...cos i know i still love him... but it was too much for me to see him.. cos hatred onli grows.
y?
he say meeting every sat was a burden, a pain... tht he obliged cos he know how impt it was meant to me... but yet.. i chose to meet him along with my friends, his friends... and not alone.. but as i see him now... he can actually meet them, jus for psp games. wow.. so i HAD been a burden afterall.
it's painful and torturous to hate someone... i wan to let go.. but i jus carn. looking at him... he tot i have recovered.. haha. but no. i still hate him to the core..
a great friendship. 無理です。it's not even near possible. with this hatred i have.
but i hate this ugly side of me as well.. so i'm trying to accept things...
but... i think i really need some help... if not.. i know i'll break down sooner or later...
but who can i turn to.. who can help me?
i really dunno..
助けてください。。。
sakura @ 1:08 AM.
